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Abby in her classroom, on the lookout for her nemesis

Little Red Schoolhouse means well. They’ve hired a woman to dress up in some sort of crazy costume and come into the kids’ rooms to sing songs and play a bucketful of instruments. Her name is Miss Pattycakes. I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Miss Pattycakes, but I picture her with red yarn ponytails, red circles on her cheeks, and candycane striped stockings. Abby says she paints her face like a tiger, but the source is questionable. Anyhow, Miss Pattycakes has become a mythical figure in our household — sort of like a hybrid between Santa Claus and Raggedy Ann — and assumed a starring role in Abby’s nightmares.

Yes, Abby is scared of Miss Pattycakes. It’s not just a mild aversion, it’s white-knuckled terror. Why, you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is, she asks the same question about 715 times every day: “Mommy, is Miss Pattycakes coming?” It’s the first thing out of her mouth in the morning, is posed several times to Teacher Michelle during Abby’s 2-hour schoolday, and is the last thing she says when getting tucked in at night.

My answer is always the same: “No, sweetie, she’s not.” So far, so good… but sooner or later, Miss Pattycakes will have to come back. I mean, Little Red Schoolhouse isn’t going to fire the crazy old lady just because one kid happens to have a phobia of grown women who wear suspenders and burst spontaneously into song. And even if they do let her go, there will be another source of anxiety right behind her — like, say, a noisy garbage truck or a man who dares to smile at Abby in a Kroger aisle.

It’s one of the things I love best about our sweet, sensitive middle child — outside the cocoon of her comfy bed, favorite movies, and beloved thumb, the world is a too-big, often scary place filled with sounds too loud, colors too bright, and people too tall, all sending her running to clutch my leg, thumb lodged securely in mouth. That’s fine with me — I’ve got plenty of reassuring hugs stocked up, and I’d better use them while I can.