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“Miss Pattycakes”

Little Red Schoolhouse means well. They’ve hired a woman to dress up in some sort of crazy costume and come into the kids’ rooms to sing songs and play a bucketful of instruments. Her name is Miss Pattycakes. I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Miss Pattycakes, but I picture her with red yarn ponytails, [...]

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Schoolbus “Friends”

Savannah has reported some drama on the schoolbus lately. Borderline bullies who refuse to scoot over to provide a sliver of nylon for a kindergartener’s butt, fleeting jealousies about who’s sitting with whom. Yesterday, Sav and I had an earnest discussion about the most recent issue: Mom: “So, how was the bus ride home?” Sav: “Eh. Not [...]

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A Nose for Disaster

With three kids under 6, even the most ordinary things suddenly turn life-threatening. Marbles and balloons become choking hazards. The rope thingies hanging from the blinds become potential nooses. And, of course, a lighted candle is a house fire waiting to happen. So, since candles are now off-limits, I’ve been on a quest to find some [...]

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Shot to Hell

I need a glass of wine. On second thought, make that a couple shots of tequila. Actually, let’s cut to the chase with a full-body sedation that will take me straight to tomorrow. Whoever said that vaccinations are a measure of protection never visited a kid’s flu clinic. We just returned — battered and bruised, literally [...]

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Seen & Heard…

Claire, found frolicking naked in Mommy & Daddy’s bedroom after having stripped out of her clothes and diaper. In the two minutes she’d been in there alone, she’d managed to pee on the floor and empty an entire bottle of shampoo all over the bathroom carpet. She had also rooted through John’s nightstand drawer, come [...]

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